My second comedy short

[jboss]

I just got done writing my second comedy short. I think it's better than my other one. Any feedback much appreciated. Also, I didn't proofread so let me know if there are any major typos. Thanks EDIT: About the ending, I didn't just finish it like that to be lazy, I wanted a WKUK-esque ending.

Jesus N’ Gang’s Tragic Mishap
By: Jace Boss

(Jesus, Buddha, and Gandhi are sitting on a couch. Jesus is playing Super Mario Bros. while Buddha and Gandhi sit bored.)

Jesus: Yea! Yea!!! What now King Koopa? Oh! Oh!! BAM!!! Turtle-shelled yo punk ass!!! Woooo!!! Yeeeeea!!! I am a BEAST at Mario! Bowser aint got shizzle on ol’ JC baby, woooo! Yes! Ohhh MAN!

(Buddha and Gandhi give a bored look to each other. Jesus notices.)

Jesus: What’s up guys, y’all look bored.

Gandhi: Of course we’re bored, all we’ve done all day is watch you play Mario.

Jesus: Buddha, you bored?

Buddha: Yes, very.

Jesus: Oh. . . . . .well, what do y’all want to do?

Gandhi: Bring peace to the world.

Buddha: Meditate under a tree.

Jesus: Hmmmmm. . . . . .could you think of something not totally gay, hehehehe.

Gandhi: Come on man, don’t tease.

Jesus: Alright, well I think we can come up with something a little better than peace-bringing and tree-sitting. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Wanna do some shots?

Buddha: I can’t Jesus, that would separate me from my Noble Eightfold Path.

Jesus (staring at Buddha blankly): Alright, Buddha’s out. Gandhi, whatda ya say man, you wanna get CRUNK?!?

Gandhi (agitated): No, Jesus.

Jesus: Ahhh, whatever, you’d probably shrivel up anyway. Well, you guys are the bored ones. I mean, I’m cool with playing Mario for the rest of the night.

(A short silence ensues)

Jesus: I got it!!! Let’s break into some kid’s room and play with his toys!
Gandhi and Buddha: NO!!!

Jesus: Awwww, come on guys. (Jesus gets somber) Listen guys, I uh. . .I never really had a childhood and. . . . .I guess I just wanna do some kid stuff. I mean, why do you think I’ve been playing Mario all day?

Gandhi: Yea about that Jesus, what was your childhood like? I mean, I’ve read the Bible and that part seems to be missing.

Jesus (nervously): Oh, it was. . .uh. . . it was just this thing, you know? I met this chick named Mary when I was like twelve and, smokin’ hot by the way, and some uhhhh. . . . . .some stuff happened. We ran off together and. . . . . . . .I dunno, there was the night life, and then I think I had kids, and then there was something about a restraining order or something, I dunno man, peyote’s a hell of a drug. But anyway, my point is I didn’t have a normal childhood so. . .I mean can’t we just go play with some kid’s Legos or something?

Buddha: I don’t know, Jesus, this sounds really, really wrong.

Jesus: Oh come on Buddha, you can’t tell me that you had a normal childhood either.

Buddha: . . . . . . .Well, come to think of it I didn’t. I was a prince as a child then I spent most of my young adulthood under a tree.

Jesus: See? Some good, old fashioned child’s play might do us some good. Gandhi, what do you think?

Gandhi:. . . . . .Well, maybe if we find a kid with GI Joe’s.

Jesus: Yea, yea, sure. (looks back and forth at Buddha and Gandhi) Soooooo. . . . .we doing this or what?

(Gandhi and Buddha look at each other)

Gandhi and Buddha: Ok, sure.

Jesus: Alright, let’s go! (Gets up and throws Gandhi the car keys) Shotgun! (Runs out the door.)

(Cut to the guys peeking through a window into a kid’s room.)

Jesus: What do you think guys? This room’s pretty tight, right?

Buddha: I don’t think we should be doing this, Jesus.

Jesus: Come on, Buddha, we came all this way and we’re not gonna back out now.
Gandhi: Oh cool, GI Joes.

Jesus (to Buddha): See man, this room’s perfect. GI Joes, I think I see a whole box full of Legos over there, and look there’s a little mat for you to meditate on or whatever the hell it is you like to do.

Buddha: That’s a sleeping mat, Jesus, which means this child is really young. He’s probably in pre-school. No, I can’t do this.

Jesus: Dad dammit, Buddha! You’re not backing out, we’re not backing out, we’re doing this! Buck up for me’s sake!

Buddha: Ok. . . . . . .ok, let’s do it.

Jesus: Alright guys, stand back. (rolls up his sleeves and waves his hands around) One, three, two, bippity-boppity BOO!!!

(The window magically opens.)

Gandhi: Showoff.

Jesus: Hater.

(The guys climb through the window.)

Jesus: Alright guys, we’re in, come on!

(All the guys enter the room. Jesus starts playing with the Legos, Gandhi starts playing with GI Joes, and Buddha sits on the sleeping mat and meditates. After a while, a little boy enters the room. All the guys get startled.)

Boy: Who are you guys? Mommy!

Jesus: No, no, no, kid, look, it’s me, it’s Jesus!

Boy (excitedly): Jesus?

Jesus: Yea, it’s me! Just look at the hair and robe. Listen kid, these are my friends Gandhi and Buddha, and we’re gonna need you to tel-

(Buddha then smashes a lamp over the kid’s head.)

Jesus: What the chickity china the chinese chicken, Buddha?!?!

Buddha (nervously): I don’t know, I panicked!

Jesus (checks the boys pulse): Awwwww, me, he’s dead!

Gandhi: Dead!?

Jesus (franticly): Oh my dad! Oh my dad! Oh my dad! What do we do?! What do we do?!

Boy’s mother (from another room): Timmy, is everything ok? I heard something break.

Jesus (imitating the boy’s voice): Uhhhh, nothing mom, just playing. . . . . . . . .marbles.

Buddha: Marbles?

Jesus: I don’t know, it’s all I could think of!

Boy’s mother: Timmy, is everything alright up there?

Jesus (boy’s voice): Yes, mother, everything’s fine! (normal voice) Oh my dad, guys, we are in so much shizzle! What do we do?!?

(Short pause)

Gandhi: Check his pockets!

Jesus: What?!

Gandhi: I dunno, we might as well!

Jesus:. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Ok, Gandhi you check his front pockets, I’ll get the back, Buddha you get his gay little pocket protector thing.

Gandhi and Buddha: Right.

(The guys check the boy’s pocket)

Jesus: Aww, two bucks? You guys get anything?

Gandhi: Pokemon card.

Buddha: A piece of Bubble-Yum.

Jesus: Damn, well that hardly seems worth it.

Boy’s mother: That’s it Timmy, I’m coming up there!

Jesus:. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .We should leave.

Gandhi: Yea, let’s go.

(The guys frantically climb out the window.)




THE END

[jboss]

I made a few revisions. I took out Buddha's accent first of all. I don't think it really added anything. All the other stuff is just to make the dialog flow better.

[kornhouse]

hahahaha "Dad dammit!"