Chuck norris isnt hung like a horse.....

-=AlexXx=-

the horse is hung like chuck norris.... HAH

funny email i got haha.

22 Chuck Norris Facts

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

Jesse · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 1:14 am Post subject:

They missed one, "Chuck Norris had an idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage, we know this beverage as Red Bull."

L.O.W. 928 · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 5:52 pm Post subject:

GREAT........like Red Bull needs to make more money

frawley · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 7:32 pm Post subject:

David Legler · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 8:04 pm Post subject:

one of my recent favorites:

Chuck Norris once at a whole cake before his friends had a chance to tell him there was a stripper in it.

chriscut · Backside 180 Joined: 28 Jun 2004 Posts: 2000

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx?type=1

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris

Jesse · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 9:29 pm Post subject:

Thats cool, Chuck is a true gentleman apparently on top of being one of the baddest MFers to walk this earth. I will probably look for those books next time Im at the library.

cfxomega · Frontside 180 Joined: 29 Jul 2004 Posts: 466

stop talking about Chuck Norris you losers Rolling Eyes

________
Jaguar Xj13
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COLORADO DISPENSARIES

nick · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 9:42 pm Post subject:

In a 1993 interview with Barbara Walters, Chuck Norris admitted that he liked going around punching hurricanes in the face. When Barbara Walters retorted, "Hurricanes don't have faces, they only have eyes", Chuck Norris gave her the staredown and said sterny, "You better watch your mouth Hurricane Walters."

nick · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 9:49 pm Post subject:

Chuck Norris likes knitting sweaters in his free time. Of course, by "knit" I mean kick, and by "sweaters" I mean children.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was Charles. Chuck Norris said nothing, but only stared at the man until he exploded.

Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Brothers 3 without ever touching his controller. He yelled at the screen in between bites of his Filet of Child sandwich and the game beat itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris has two speeds; walk and kill.

If you gave Chuck Norris a guitar, within 2 weeks you would have a Grammy-winning album. When asked why he doesn't do this, Chuck Norris responded "Because Grammy's are for püssies" and then ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

^^^^These weren't copy and pasted, all of them typed from memory Laughing

If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you could be seconds away from death.

heywood · Pop Shuvit Joined: 14 Sep 2003 Posts: 144 City: hollywood

Chuck Norris goes to my Starbucks almost everyday. jealous?

nick · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 9:54 pm Post subject:

In the average living room, there are about 1268 things that Chuck Norris could kill you with, including the room itself.

nick · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 9:55 pm Post subject:

heywood, I'll trade you lives.

nick · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 10:06 pm Post subject:

These I got from the webiste:

Chuck Norris does not go hunting, because the word hunting infers the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

When Chuck Norris dontes blood, he declines the syringe and instead requests a handgun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger king and got one.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in an hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, “Trix are for Chuck Norris.”

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fu¢k down.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually a warning that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris = pWnZ0r

nick · Posted: Jan 10, 2006 10:47 pm Post subject:

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu¢k down.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shît.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

parky · Kickflip Joined: 04 Oct 2004 Posts: 3193

hahahah wow Cool

integrity640 · Kickflip Joined: 30 Oct 2004 Posts: 2866 City: Ocala

cfxomega lol i like the avatar Cool

heywood really???

senorbueno · Backside 180 Joined: 28 Sep 2004 Posts: 1593

http://chucknorrisfacts.com

integrity640 · Kickflip Joined: 30 Oct 2004 Posts: 2866 City: Ocala

senorbueno haha they got shirts there Very Happy

Grouch · Kickflip Joined: 16 Feb 2004 Posts: 3146 City: The OC

Chuck Norris has a insanely huge house about 1/4 mile down river from our house. Its sweet and on big weekends, you see over a milllion $$$ worth of cars in the driveway.