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stu Frontside 180
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Joined: 30 Nov 2003 Posts: 369 City: bradenton
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 8:04 am Post subject: Chuck Norris |
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 379 8.33
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. 109 7.77
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. 240 7.73
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. 1029 7.7
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,
Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 786 7.66
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. 118 7.66
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 959 7.62
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. 457 7.62
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't Fcuk with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. 797 7.62
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 99 7.58
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. 797 7.56
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. 990 7.56
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. 218 7.54
Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris. 368 7.5
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 754 7.49
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. 145 7.48
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 944 7.48
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. 97 7.47
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". 727 7.46
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 131 7.46
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. 688 7.45
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. 458 7.45
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. 1129 7.43
Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. 104 7.43
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". 1048 7.42
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. 1030 7.42
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. 109 7.42
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 110 7.42
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" 1033 7.42
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. _________________ "Too bad that all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair."
"It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense." |
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stu Frontside 180
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Joined: 30 Nov 2003 Posts: 369 City: bradenton
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 8:05 am Post subject: |
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![Laughing](images/smiles/icon_lol.gif) _________________ "Too bad that all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair."
"It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense." |
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OverEasy Pop Shuvit
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Joined: 08 Aug 2005 Posts: 167 City: Richardson
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 8:29 am Post subject: |
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ok, that's the funniest damn thing I've read in a long time............thanks, stu ![Laughing](images/smiles/icon_lol.gif) |
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Slyder Backside 180
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Joined: 28 Nov 2003 Posts: 1085 City: Punta Gorda/Tallahassee
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 8:39 am Post subject: |
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HAHA, I like the last one especially. Kicking a three month old child, so wrong, yet so very funny. |
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xstfu ill pwn youx Backside 180
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Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 837 City: 954.
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 9:13 am Post subject: |
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hahaha.
punched out of the womb.
![Shocked](images/smiles/icon_eek.gif) |
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The Pavement 3.6 Backside 180
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Joined: 23 Jan 2004 Posts: 572 City: Eustis
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 9:14 am Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris= Badass. |
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nick Island Rat
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Joined: 13 Nov 2003 Posts: 14553 City: Honokowai
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 11:16 am Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA _________________ √ |
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Jesse Backside 180
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Joined: 08 Sep 2005 Posts: 2008 City: Groveland
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 12:49 pm Post subject: |
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I read that same thing somewhere else, thats how I got my sig. _________________
TWG wrote: | fresh out the box with doo doo stains? |
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freerider4 Backside 180
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Joined: 14 Sep 2003 Posts: 2462
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 3:02 pm Post subject: |
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yeah same here with my signature. |
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Jesse Backside 180
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Joined: 08 Sep 2005 Posts: 2008 City: Groveland
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 4:31 pm Post subject: |
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I read it on Stonerrock.com _________________
TWG wrote: | fresh out the box with doo doo stains? |
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integrity640 Kickflip
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Joined: 30 Oct 2004 Posts: 2866 City: Ocala
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Posted: Nov 18, 2005 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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LMFAO ![Laughing](images/smiles/icon_lol.gif) _________________ They call me Dr. Jones
AnchorsAwayWake <======check it |
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