For All The Myspacer's!

[Grouch]

For all you myspacers out there you should read this...This especially includes you Lemons.


1. "NEW PICS" bulletins are fiznackling desperate and sad.

2. Don't throw up gang signs in your user pictures.

(f.y.i. actual gangsters don't have myspaces, sorry)

3. Don't flash gang signs anywhere, at all, end of story.

4. List bands that don't really exist in your profile, it's cool.

5. myspace is not real life.

6. If you've ever posted a "myspace is shutting down" bulletin, i fiznackling hate you, and your entire family. If you honestly took your time to re-post something for fear of having your precious myspace deleted, then i've probably lost all respect for you, and you should look into getting a life...

7. Slideshow's, 2+ video's on a page, and "insane graphics", do not make you look cool. They make you annoying. And yes, i hate you.

8. If you highly exploit the idea that you've ever smoked marijuana before, with every other word on your page, and "sick pics of ur BONG" then check yourself. Realize that you've based your entire image around being less intelligent than most. (p.s. smoke weed everyday...)

9. School pictures, sports team pictures, and pictures of your friends, without you in them, are all things that nobody gives a chickity china the chinese chicken about. And deep down inside, you've known that all along.

9. You should probably question your sexuality if you take more pictures of yourself, than anything else in your camera...

9. Listing 30+ bands is just a magnifying glass over the obvious fact that you're screaming on the inside for someone to accept you into something that you've always desperately wanted to be a part of.

9. "i don't really watch tv" = LIAR

10. "i don't really read" = BUSH SUPPORTER

11. If you list anyone who's ever appeared on MTV's Trl, in your heroes section, then you need to drive your goddamn jetta away from the mall, and go to a fiznackling library. Now.

12. myspace is not real life.

13. If you die, before deleting your myspace, it will be up as long as anyone else's is.

14. If you die, because of your myspace being deleted, i lack sympathy for you. This is not the stock market. If Tom dies, and you label the upcoming drama "the great deppression", i will strongly consider hunting your family pet..

15. Myspace has made Tila Tequila a genuine low-level celebrity... honestly, think about that...

16. Posting the same bulletin 3 times in a row is never an accident, and is only idiotic. It should grant you a free punch in the throat... (typical struggling band bulljive)

17. myspace is not real life

18. comments;

a. "thnx 4 the add" is not a comment... it's a message

b."just showin' sum luv" is not a comment...it's a stupid message

c."oh my god, u were sooooo wasted last night at the show, i can't
believe u gave that creepy guy your number!!!!" is not a comment,
it's a sad attempt to exploit the lesser known fact that you might possibly have a non-internet social life.

d. promoting your band or website, is not a comment, it's lame & pathetic...

19. straight guys flexing with their shirts off, are not straight...

20. friendster was not "back in the day"

21. Nobody wants to watch the "So Crazy In Love" video everytime they look at your page.

22. No one wants to watch the "So Crazy In Love" video, period.

23. Posting a comment such as "yum, ur fizzle hawtt, or damn, ur hella fine" underneath a decent looking girls picture, is not going to get you laid... ever.

24. Myspace is not real life.

25. You're never going get to a free I-Pod, with no strings attached ever... sorry.

26. "Cool New People"...according to fiznackling who?

27. You never actually "only made one to look at other peoples". It's a lie, and a shiznackle one at that, just admit you're addicted.

28. Listing your city/location with the word "baby!!" after it, is not appealing...

29. NeIthEr iZ WrItInG LyKe ThIs. (if you've ever done that, ever, even "in like 7th grade", i will never have sex with you. Or your mother)

30. If you use the terms: "scenesters, emo's, hardcore kids, electro-clashers, or punx, or write the abbreviation HxC, sXe, even in the sense that your making fun of the above listed, i hate you. i don't think you're cool, and i'd most likely like to pour Morton Salt in your eyelids...

[urinal mint]

piss on myspace.

[twenty7]

Grouch,

dude tell us how you really feel about myspace???!!! you got too much time on your hands! i agree with you...but you still got too much time on your hands! besides...ive seen your myspace page (you addict) and i think you break half those rules! haha.jk

[Grouch]

twenty7,

Guilty as charged.

[PIRATE]

how about this..


1# if you have a myspave thingy then your a f#$%Ing homo with no life who cant wakeskate, and you probably pay for homosexual sex with imidiate family members. get a life, im so sick of people tellilng me

" yeah right dude, i get chicks on there all the time"

followed by:

"whatever, my brother has boned like 12 girls from there, and he always goes out on the lake with them when they come here"

and then they say:

"whatever "PIRATE" you talk on ws.com all the time fag, at least im talking to girls"

followed by

"quit punching me in the mouth or im going to tell all my friends that your a d!ck i know some my space cage fighter that will F@$% you up"


in closing, grouch, ryan, jason, franny and everyone else i know that does that gay crap kill yourselfs.

thank you and goodnight.
-brandon

[Grouch]

PIRATE,

Did you know that Schmaltz has a myspace account with like 35 friends.

[urinal mint]

are me and pirate the only ones that don't have one of those sites?

[PIRATE]

SCHMALTZ kill yourself.

[kento911]

I hate girls on myspace. . . . . .Im there b/c I got alot of friends who have 70+ hour a week jobs, and who moved to the boondocks. . . .I have a list like grouches I will post it. . . . .Pirate lick my scrote lol your dog has a myspace and he said he wouldnt add you as a friend on my comments oh but he said the water dish is primo.

[twenty7]

PIRATE,

thats is BS! PIRATE Is a closet myspacer! he is really jealous of everyone that uses myspace. the truth is he cant figure out how to sign up for an account or post pictures of himeself or come up with anything creative to say in the bio! haha

[-=AlexXx=-]

Grouch, your a effin genious.

[kento911]

urinal mint, yes

[kento911]

Here's the deal, before you can "add me as your friend," you should read the following:

1. Count the number of exclamation points on your profile. If it is more than 15, you are disqualified. If you aren't sure what an exclamation point is, sorry, you are disqualified.

2. There are three different words that sound like "there." They're "their," "they're," and "there." If I have already lost you, you are disqualified. If you thought that was funny, you are granted three extra exclamation points in your profile. If you cannot distinguish between the three words, you are disqualified. Grab a third grade English book and study up.

3. The same goes for "where," "were," "we're," and "wear," and "you're" and "your." If your not getting this, your a moron, and were never going to get along, because I would hurt you're feelings.

4. Look at your picture. What the hell were you thinking? If your answer is along the lines of "it is a lot of hard work to keep my body looking this good, and..." or "ha ha, those are my scandalous boots..." or if it truly is just a picture of your ass, just forget it. Your good looks are not something to be proud of.

5. Look at your friends list. Are there a bunch of idiots with tattoos and piercings that make them look like the african ashtray lip people? Are most of the guys half naked and muscular? If so, move on. I'm not one to judge, and I'm sure there are plenty of cool people with wheel bearings stuck in their ears and tongues, but I don't have the time to sift through these tools. Sorry. God forbid you and I were to ever hang out and Zack the walking weightlifting tattoo comes in, interrupting your thrilling showcase of pictures of you and your friends posing with various alcohol containers. I would threaten his masculinity. He'd kick my ass.

6. Look at your messages from other people, especially the ones regarding your pictures. Are there less than two guys talking about how hot you are? Is there anyone on there that, given the chance, wouldn't have sex with you? Unless you can answer yes to both, think to yourself: do you really think I would put myself in the same category with these douchebags? Do you think, ten years from now, that I want my words eternally etched in a message: "damn girl, nice pic! do you have a bfriend? haha jk!! lol "?

Hopefully by now, you're getting the picture. Just in the case you're not, I'll continue a little longer.

7. Look at your profile. If you haven't written anything remotely clever, then don't even bother talking to me. I'm glad you like makeup and partying with your friends! Yahoo for your inside jokes! I'm sure that Fred from Calabasas would love to show you his souped-up Mustang! I, however, couldn't give a shizzle less about your "super-sisters." By the way, weren't you disqualified in the exclamation point count?

8. Were you, or are you a stripper? Yes? Awesome! Add me as your friend!*

9. Do you really like clubbing? Yes? Wow, you're probably really hot. There's one problem: clubs are for Persian fags who want to kick my ass for saying stuff like "clubs are for Persian fags." I don't have a BMW or cool leather jackets to impress you with, and I'm not Persian. While I definitely can appreciate a hot chick, I'm not into shoving my way through Guidos so I can buy you an eight dollar Cosmopolitan, just so you can spill it and go dance with your friends.

10. If you smoke a lot of pot, it just won't work. I have a lot of friends you would get along with. shizzle, my roommate will even sell you some. But I don't like fried foods or TV as much as you do, and no, that shizzle on the wall doesn't "look trippy."

*Just kidding about the stripper thing. Strippers are lame, and have mad problems. And don't give me that "dancer" shizzle, either. You know what you do.

If you met all of those criteria, you may add me as a friend, but you have to message me and tell me why... I'm gonna probably ask you for the ugliest picture you have of yourself. We all know what an ugly picture is, so don't bulljive. Tell me the best thing about you and the worst thing about you. Ask me three good questions. If you made it this far, I'll at least tell you why I denied you. If I accept you, you are obviously cool, and a graduate of the sixth grade.

I'm really not this much of a dick, but the chicks on this website are retarded and I have better things to do than feed some broad's ego while she's busy messaging some douchebag about how much she likes his tattoos. If you find this all amusing, I will probably get along with you.

[one-eyed sailor551]

heh myspace i forgot about that i use it sometimes but it gets annoying and boring real fast

[scottyb]

dude i kno jessica simpson is so hot, i wanna see her new movie

[Grouch]

kento911,

Maybe I am confused, you list the word there and than say that is sounds like the word there???

[urinal mint]

to each his own. not hating on myspacers, just keep on keeping on.

[Grouch]

[frawley]

[kento911]

Grouch, frawley, yeah it was ironic humor sorry should have clarified