Joke Thread...

[Grouch]

An Asian man walks into a New York Currency Exchange with 2000 yen. He receives $72.00 in American currency. The following week, the same Asian man walks into the same currency exchange. He again exchanges 2000 yen. This time, he receives $66.00 in American currency. The Asian man doesn't understand why he received less money, so he asks the clerk, "Why less money when same 2000 yen"

The clerk replies, "Fluctuations." As the Asian man prepares to leave, he turns, looks at the clerk and angrily says, "Fluck you Amelicans, too!"

[Steven M]

haha

[wakemitch]

thats pretty damn funny

[andy ross]

Grouch, nice

[JamesBoardr]

Love It. Very nice

[warlock]

> >> > Notes from an inexperienced Seattle chili taster
> >> > named Frank who was visiting Texas:
> >> >
> >> > "Recently I was honored to be selected as an
> >> > Outstanding Famous Celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a
> >> > chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Also the original person called in sick at the last minute and I
> >> > happened to be standing there at the judges' table asking directions
to
> >> > the
> >> > beer wagon when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
> >> > judges (nativeTexans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy,
> >> > and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting,
> >> > so I accepted."
> >> >
> >> > Here are the score cards from the event:
> >> >
> >> > Chili #1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Chili
> >> > JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
> >> > JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
> >> > FRANK: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could
> >> > remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to
> >> > put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These hicks are
crazy.
> >> >
> >> > Chili #2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
> >> > JUDGE ONE: Smokey (barbeque?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno
> >> > tang.
> >> > JUDGE TWO: Exciting barbeque flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
> >> > seriously.
> >> > FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I'm
> >> > supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
> >> > wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver while I shoved my way to the
> >> > front of the beer line.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Chili #3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
> >> > JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick! Needs more
beans.
> >> > JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
> >> > FRANK: This has got to be a joke! Call the EPA, I've located a
> >> > !?#@%~#@*_#! uranium spill! My nose feels like I have been sneezing
> >> > Drano.
> >> > Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could
make
> >> it
> >> > to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone
is
> >> in
> >> > the front part of my chest.
> >> >
> >> > Chili #4: Bubba's Black Magic
> >> > JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
> >> > JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
> or
> >> > other mild foods, not much of a chili.
> >> > FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
to
> >> > taste
> >> > it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills
so
> >> > that
> >> > I wouldn't have to dash over to see her.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Chili #5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
> >> > JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground
> >> adding
> >> > considerable kick. Very impressive.
> >> > JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
> admit
> >> > the
> >> > cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
> >> > FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I
> >> belched
> >> > and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant
> seemed
> >> > hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally
> >> > saved
> >> > my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of
> >> > irritates
> >> > me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
> >> >
> >> > Chili #6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
> >> > JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
> >> > spice
> >> > and peppers.
> >> > JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
> >> garlic.
> >> > Superb.
> >> > FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous
> >> flames.
> >> > No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.
> >> >
> >> > Chili #7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
> >> > JUDGE ONE: A mediorcre chili with too much reliance on canned
peppers.
> >> > JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili
peppers
> >> at
> >> > the last moment. I should note that I am worried about judge #3, he
> >> > appears
> >> > to be in a bit of distress.
> >> > FRANK: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and
I
> >> > wouldn't feel it. I've lost sight in one eye and the world sounds
like
> >> it
> >> > is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which
slid
> >> > unnoticed out of my mouth at some point.
> >> > Good, at autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop
> >> > breathing, it's too
> >> > painful and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll
let
> >> it
> >> > in through the hole in my stomach.
> >> >
> >> > Chili #8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
> >> > JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild
> nor
> >> > hot. Sorry to see most of it was lost when Judge number 3 fell and
> >> > pulled
> >> > most of the pot on top of himself.
> >> > JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for
all,
> >> > not
> >> > too bold but spicy enough to delcare its existence.
> >> > FRANK: --------------
> >> >
> >
>