Let me know what you think

[jboss]

I was bored so I decided to write this. I've been wanting to write a comedy sketch for a while, but never got around to doing it. Keep in mind I wrote this in like two and a half hours.

Ball Models
By: Jace Boss

(Derrick enters his apartment while his roommate, Zach, sits on the couch watches a documentary on Hentai)

Derrick: Dude, dude, dude, check this out!

(Zach quickly changes the channel)

Derrick: Aw dude, what the chickity china the chinese chicken were you watching?

Zach (nervously): Nothing. . . . . . . .Jesus Christ Superstar.

Derrick: Whatever, fag, check this out.

(Derrick hands Zach a flyer about something along the lines of “Testicle models wanted: open auditions Thursday”)

Zach: Whaaaaaaat? Where’d you get this?

D: Some kiosk thing at the mall. shizzle’s tight, right?

Z: Uhhhhhhh yea sure, but what the chickity china the chinese chicken, you gonna go to this thing?

D: chickity china the chinese chicken yea dude, you’re comin with me.

Z: Hell no, man, this sounds unbelievably homoerotic.

D: Dude, no it’s not, if anything we’re gonna get mad whimp.

Z: bulljive, this is so gay.

D: Dude, you’re gay, you’re telling me that no chick you know would wanna get with a ball model?

Z: Uhhhhh. . . . .

D (interrupting): Of course they would! Chicks dig balls more than think, especially mine. You in?

Z: I dunno, man, I don’t think my balls are model worthy.

D: Naw, man, I’m sure they are.

Z: I dunno, man, they sweat a lot and. . . . . .they have cigarette burns and shizzle. They smell like pig balls. I’m scared to even touch them sometimes.

D: Hmmmmm. . . . . .granted, but I got a little something that might help you out.

(Derrick hands Zach a “Ball Grooming Kit)

Z: . . . . . . . . .(looks up at Derrick). . . . . .are you fiznackling serious? (Derrick nods excitedly) A ball grooming kit? You spent money on a ball grooming kit? Where the piss did you even get this thing?

D: Spencers, while I was at the mall. Dude, check it out, it says, “Get smoother, healthier, ball model-worthy balls in no time.”

Z: This is dumb as shizzle, I’m not grooming my balls with a ball grooming kit and I’m definitely not going to a ball modeling audition.

D: If you don’t come I’ll tell your little crush Katie what you were watching when I came in here.

(Zach looks up at Derrick with wide eyes)

(Cut to a lobby full of potential ball models in a line. Zach and Derrick step into frame when the line moves)

Z (almost hyperventilating): Dude, I don’t know if I can go through with this, I don’t think the kit worked. I’m freaking out man. . . . . . . . .and my balls are starting to sweat.

D: Dude, calm down, you can do this, breeeeeath.

(Zach slowly starts to calm down)

D: That’s it, breeeeeath. (Derrick looks around) Hold on.

(Derrick walks over to a table and grabs a tissue)

D: Here, pat your boys down right quick.

(Zach puts the tissue in his pants and pats his nads down. He then sighs with relief.)

D: Feel better?

Z: Yea, I’m good.

Off-screen voice of auditioner: Next!

D: Alright, that’s us, you good?

Z: (takes a few rapid breaths): Yea, let’s fizzle do it.
(Zach and Derrick enter the room)

Auditioner: Hello, Mr. . . . .(looks at clipboard) Derrick Jennings and Mr. Zach Chindle.

Z and D: Yes sir.

A: Alrigty guys, let’s get started, drop your pants.

(Zach looks at Derrick nervously)

D (whispers): Just do it, man.

(They both drop there pants. Camera’s view is behind Zach and Derrick, their bare asses on each side of the screen with the auditioner in between, staring in disbelief)

A: Oh. . .my. . .god.

(Cut to a frontal, waist-up view of Zach and Derrick, looking at each other nervously)

A: Those are. . . . . . . . . . . . .the hottest balls I have EVER SEEN!!!

(Zach and Derrick look at each other, smiling excitedly)

A: I have never seen sexier balls in my life, and I’ve seen Fabio’s balls!!! I have no problem green-lighting these sweet fiznackling balls RIGHT NOW!!!

Z and D (high-fiving and yelling childishly): YEEEEEAAAAAA!!!

(Start a montage of Zach and Derrick starting their lives as ball models)

Montage:

(Zach and Derrick at a photoshoot for Hunky Balls Magazine. There is a backdrop behind the guys and a waist-high podium in front of it. The music in the scene is “Scatman”.)

Totally gay photographer (in a fruity accent): Ok Zach, I want you leaning on the podium with your balls out looking at the camera like, “Check out these fabulous balls.” Now Derrick, I want you standing tall right next to him cupping your balls.

TGP (taking pictures): Yes. Yes. Yes. Ok, Derrick flex the arm you’re cupping your sexy balls with.

(Cut to Hunky Balls Magazine spinning towards the screen. On the cover is Zach and Derrick’s photoshoot. Headline says, “Hot New Ball Models: The Next Big Thing!!!”)

(Next scene is the guys walking through a crowd at a fashion party. Everyone is praising them. They then run into Paris Hilton. “Scatman” is still playing.)

PH: Like, oh my God, it’s Zach and Derrick!

Z and D (nonchalantly): Sup

PH: Oh my God, like, I saw your smooth, sexy balls in Hunky Balls Magazine. I got, like, so f’ing horny. . . . . . . . . . .can I see them?

Z and D (look at each other then back at PH): Sure

(They both pull they’re balls out. The scene is set up, as a side shot with PH on the left and Z and D on the right. Light is exuding from their pants.)

PH (amazed): That’s hot.

D: I know

(Cut to the guys getting home from the party. They get to the front porch and Derrick stops and turns to Zach with a reminiscing look on his face.)

D: Man, how fizzle tight are our lives right now?

Z: I know, right? I went from having what were basically shizzle-stained hacky sacks for balls to having what are basically the hottest balls in history.

Off-screen man: Hey, faggots!!!

(Z and D look, only to notice a crazed man only holding a gun.)

Crazed man: Say hello to Satan for me you hedonistic pansies!!!

Z and D (in slow-mo): NOOOOOOO!!!

(Cut to black with four gunshots going off. Slowly fade back in to a montage of the guys with “Wanted Dead or Alive” by Bon Jovi playing. After the montage, cut to a shot of the guys’ tombstones. Zach’s reads, “He lived, he loved, he had a world-class coin purse.” Derrick’s reads, “He’s seen a million faces, and he rocked them with his balls.”



THE END

[crispy]

everything good up until the ending with the murder of them i think.great story though, had me laughing

[kornhouse]

ahhahahahahahahaha thats awesome

[jboss]

Thanks for reading guys. crispy, Yea my friend's said the same thing, I'll probably change the ending to something happening to each of their balls, I dunno, I'm still thinking about it.

[fastgreens]

jboss, funny and very creative

[POPTART]

huevo slpash