Best chain letter ever written?

[Fredrick_Eisenhauer]

Well I got this sent to me today, I know how its anti chain letters but it is a chain letter but nevertheless its funny (or atleast i think so).

THE BEST CHAIN EMAIL EVER WRITTEN:
>
>Hello, my name is not important, I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding
>50 billion f*cking chain letters sent to me by people who actually
>believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Tasmania with a
>breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed
>before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.
>
>Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you,and everyone to
>whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are we? "Ooooh, looky here! If
>I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every good looking
>model in the magazine!" What a load of bullsh*t. Maybe the evil chain letter
>leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not
>continuing a chain that was started by Peter in the Year 5AD and brought to
>Australia by midget pilgrims on the First Fleet.
>
>The point being? - If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave
>you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's
>funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a
>leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant
>for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll
>receive if you forward this email.
>
>Oh, by the way:
>
>NO COMPANY HAS ANY WAY OF TRACKING E-MAIL OUTSIDE THEIR SYSTEM - NO, NOT
>EVEN MICROSOFT!!!
>
>THERE IS NO SUCH TECHNOLOGY YET!!!!! AND IF THERE WERE, IT WOULD PROBABLY
>BE AGAINST THE LAW TO TRACK IT
>FOR PRIVACY MATTERS.
>
>Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your
>underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
>

[Frye]

this is my favorite


>>Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather
>>curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the
>>older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One
>>day
>>he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
>>Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind
>>the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her
>>boyfriend.
>>This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to
>>his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then
>>he started kissing and hugging her I figured 'Sis must be getting
>>sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought
>>so
>>too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart,
>>just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the
>>doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess
>>he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started
>>panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have
>>been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis
>>got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide
>>down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started.
>>I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot.
>>Finally, I found out what was making them so sick, a big eel had
>>gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants
>>and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed
>>it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she
>>got really scared her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open,
>>and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it
>>was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the
>>ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and
>>grabbed it with both hands tried to kill the eel by biting its head
>>off. All of a sudden she and held it tight while he took a muzzle
>>out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it
>>from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could
>>get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel.
>>The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and
>>squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they
>>wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend
>>got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it
>>just
>>hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and
>>her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went
>>back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again.
>>By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to
>>fight again. I guess eels are like cats they have 9 lives or
>>something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting
>>on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the
>>eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its
>>skin
>>off and flush it down the toilet!!!
>>
>>
>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>
>>
>>NOW that you've read it, forward it to 10 pplz, and have goodluck
>>
>>in "gettin' sum" forever...
>>
>>
>>
>>Erase it, and U will have a bad sex for
>>
>>life!!!
>>
>>Have a nice day!.....